Tears of Loves

Went for facial treatment today, and don't feel like stepping out from my house now.
I seldom tears down until the last minute of facial treatment, but today I did from the very beginning.
Yea it was really pain, but it wasn't the main reason of my tears.

I thought of a lot of things during the treatment period, damn a lot which made my tears.

Met you accidentally yesterday, and I couldn't believe it when I saw you in the crowd.
Unexpectedly.
I thought you would not poke to us if you see us, but you actually did, even just a second our eyes contact and interaction were.
Then we walked off respectively, in an opposite direction.
Like strangers, like nothing happened.
I thought of you, the past overloaded sweetness, the ridiculous present.
And I imagined how will it be in future, if we are still together.
So I was torturing myself, I started to feel the pain in my heart.

Then I thought of myself.
Why I was there like enjoying the pain on my face but I was totally not.
Why am I so ugly? I mean appearance.
Not tall, not skinny, not slim, no pretty face, even though I am real, I am kind but what, people still judge depends on outlook.
My heart was struggling.
I love and hate myself at the same time.
I was really shivering on the treatment bed, trying to hold my tears, so hard.

I feel loneliness.
I need someone to be with me.
Holding my hands and tells me how much he loves me.
Hugging me in his body so that I can feel his warmth.
Putting my head on his shoulders so we can whisper to each other.
But what matters the most, is actually the true one, the one and only.

I may be weak sometimes, but no worry, I will be all right after all.
I just need some release moments for myself, to relieve all the pain all the hardship in my mind.
I gotta keep moving on my life and non-stop improving myself, to make my him proud of me.
Yea right, I have high expectation and high demand on myself, but not the him.
To find a real lifetime partner, I just need love, the unexplainable chemical reaction between me and the him, it is an indescribable feeling, that's all.

Hmmm I feel much more better now, after crying so many times in a day.
Let's put on a smile and then enjoy life again.
Jasslyn, you can do it! :)

Stay strong.