平安夜 聖誕節

莫名的孤單。
無聲的寂寞。

還是會在意，除了家人，沒了特別的另一個人。

原本很期待，很想見你，然後見面了。
假裝鎮定，想要走掉迴避與你的交流，我一直都在裝。
結果你開口説出的第一句話竟然叫住了我。
我就這樣，傻呆呆地站在你身旁，心理卻是波濤洶湧。
我一直環顧四周東張西望，我一直都在僞裝。
很害怕與你交談，我竭盡所能避免盯著你看的眼神。
期待你説好要賠償我的巧克力。
雖然我已經預了，那會是你們其中之一開的玩笑。
我總是愛胡思亂想，更準確的用詞應該是幻想。

爲什麽要四目交接好幾秒，沒有言語。
對不起，我不應該開口破壞這幾秒鐘的時間，可是我不想再繼續紊亂複雜的思緒。
你叫我閉嘴，然後轉過頭了。
我們就這樣繼續沉默。
你把小團紙放到我眼前，我其實快被嚇壞了。
我刹那間確實這麽想過，會不會打開小紙團，我就可以得到我要的答案。
可是我想當下我忘了，我從來沒開口問過什麽。
我不問，你不說，就是我們的距離。
我拿起紙團給你一個疑惑的眼神。
你把手伸出來，展示你受傷的手指頭。
我又假裝，假裝你很無聊給你一個不屑的眼神，然後我不知道該怎麽回應了。
我沒有理由沒有身份關心你。
我們尷尬地笑了。
你低頭繼續沉默著，我手中握著紙團，就像在撫平我的心跳一樣，可是腦袋已經亂糟糟。

遺憾，我們沒有說再見。
該說再見，我們一定會再見。
不說再見，怕我們不會再見。

我不注重聖誕節，可是因爲你的一句話，我期待過。
這個平安夜，我其實坐立不安，我一直在期待什麽。
電話響了，一直響起微信的信息提示聲。
我滿懷期待，卻換來落寞。
我問，微信可不可以不要再發官方的祝福信息。
每一次的鈴聲響起，我都會期望那是你的信息。
我痛苦了。
我問，你爲什麽要出現在我的生活裏。
我不知道你的狀態，我希望你能告訴我，最好親口告訴我，你不再單身，我會衷心感激你的，我會死心塌地。

想聼情歌，就真的好多好多好聽的、動人的情歌。
很抒情。
我好想好像好好大哭一場。
我想要有個肩膀借我依靠。

從來沒有發現平安夜的美。
就在今天，看見這種美麗，有種淡淡的凄美。
幸福的人幸福，單身的人散發淡淡的憂愁憂傷，這種對比點綴了今夜。
我可以想象平安夜的午夜十二點，那一瞬間迎接的是聖誕的第一個夜。
想象總是美好。
我想象雪花，我想象五顔六色的鈴鐺，挂在充滿愛與希望的聖誕樹上。

一首接一首的情歌仍在耳邊輕輕播放，熟悉，耳熟能詳。
等待。
如果你值得。
等待。
如果我值得。
去年與今年，闊別一年了。
很慶幸，我遇見了你。
主角也終究換掉了，是你。

又很跳 tone 地想起了 E4 gang 。
有人爲了工作忙碌不堪。
生活就是這樣，大家分道揚鑣。
想要好好的聚一聚了。

最後的最後，我許了個願。
願大家平安，聖誕快樂。

Executive Producer

When I was asked by my beloved Ms Loh Me Ping, whether would like to take this task or not, I was really in a dilemma.
I felt exciting to have the chance to work with very different and fresh people who are my juniors, and at the same time I was super duper worrying that I could not do it well, since I think that I am not a technical person, as I think all of the EPs are technically good and have experienced production a lot.
I actually asked a stupid question at the moment: Do you think I'm ok to take it?
Then the replied was "If not what I asked you"
LOL

This is my very first time to be an Executive Producer (EP), and aside my EP during Diploma time, who is Yen Leong (thanks her so much for advising me with wise words before everything started), I am the other only female EP for this batch.
Sounds cool, but just simply sounds cool yea, I couldn't make sure that the outcome will be as good as what I wanted.
So here it came the time to pick a team number, and guess what, I have chosen my lucky number of 4.

The first stage is pre-production.
I could not attend the first two meetings, but then when they just purposed their first idea to me, even though I was not so good with it, but I approved. So ended up I got comments by Ms Loh, saying me being too easy going because she knew that I was not so confident to make the script happens, thus I was wrong at the very first step. I am the kind of person who cares about the message or impact of a short film. In fact the team has quite a good concept but they were lost in producing a complete script and storyline, they easily messed the important elements of the script. And during the first met (which was already their third meeting), I actually got pissed off. I somehow wondered was I being too kind to them and did they take it as granted. I am clear that I am definitely a hot-tempered person who normally scolds at my team even though it was just pre-production, but for this time I promised to myself earlier, to be more understanding c'z they are just juniors. Talking back to the first met, few of them gave me really bad impression because they were late. What made me felt even worse was when I tried to wait for half an hour and started to lose my patient, I called the team to call the members who were being late, but in return the team asked me not to hasten them to avoid any accident, and they even told me to give more love and care to the members. To be honest what was going on in my mind were just three words: What the fuck?! But after my speechless moment I calmed myself down and then we started the most suffering period, where they needed to complete their script. I forgot how many days we worked on that, I forgot how many times I tried to persuade them to change their entire storyline and how many times they were so determined to work with the previous script, and finally, I approved the new script of theirs, which was the final script that was much more better than the previous one.

The following stage was production phrase and undoubtedly, I shot my fire guns with tons of bullets, as much as I could.
After talking my situation with my close friends, they were all unbelievable that I was so patient to them and they thought I was so wrong at the first step, I should have showed them my seriousness, as I am also a person who is super duper serious when come to production.
We supposed to have two days of shooting and planned for one more day for backing up, but at the end they spent four days that made them over budget badly.
Initially I thought of following them for the first day of shooting only but that day they all did a damn terrible performance: I was not informed about the new location and they actually decided to use the place right before the shooting started, shooting delayed for two hours, and once all were ready to start, another bad news of lab equipments lost. From these incidents I got to know that who played their roles and took their responsibilities well while who didn't. After the shooting I called for a meeting urgently and I didn't even care about how late the time was. Two of them cried in front of me during the meeting. Yea I was fierce at the time, I scolded them in front of their talents before the shooting got started (I had no intention to do so but I had no choice, the space was small lol). Followed by the second day where the location was at Sungai Buloh, I was actually rushing for my assignments c'z the next day was the submission due date. I did not help much but I was there observing everyone of them, and showed up myself when it was my time. No doubt please, I still scolded them. And here it came the day where few of the  members started to have conflict in their mind, but fortunately though they bear and tolerated until the end of the production stage. The third day I was following too, and good to see they really improved, at least did their responsibilities better. Thus I could finally decide not to follow them again  for the fourth day of shooting.

After all the shooting have been done, the post-production stage started.
I gave my opinions after their rough cut, they seemed lost their sense in arranging the footages in proper sequence. But after all the feedbacks from me and Ms Loh, they were backed on track. However there was just one more thing that made me felt disappointed, when I asked to check their fine cut before their submission, in case they would probably need any correction in the final work, but they just showed me after they have submitted it, so I did not know what was the point. I gave them my feedback immediately once I watched the video, to me, overall they have overused and misused the SFX (noise in both visual and audio) which made me felt annoying and it likely turns out gonna be like a suspense or horror film. Also talking about the impact, it could be bigger impact by doing some amendments on the typography of tagline and footage durations. While to comment about the strength, I like the montage part after 4:00 as the pace and mood were in order and match the BGM quite well. I actually expected and have prepared myself if it would be a miserable result, but eventually the team still did a good job.
We had a post-mortem meeting also, and everyone of us spoke out and voiced out the words from the bottom of our hearts, and of course, I wanted them to tell every single unhappiness and uneasiness towards the production, the team, and me, we solved all the miscommunication and misunderstanding among us because I do not want them to bring the emotions to future time. I gave my comments and advices to everyone of them too, one by one, I hope the words were digested and taken wisely, to appreciate or not was back to them, my intention was just to help them as much as I could, so it would guide and remind them when they step in the real industry environment.

Screening session is what always being encouraged to have so because it really provides an opportunity and a platform for all of the broadcasters to interact with each other, in a more formal and professional term.
The talents were invited too, as a sign of our infinity appreciation for their hard works. Yea, our talents are important and great, they helped in cooperating and negotiating their time with us, they really sacrificed a lots.
During this session, I have watched all of the EPs' production and there were really amazing works that impressed me a lot. Besides that, it was a very good chance to see and realize the strength and weakness of our owns as well as others'. After all I received lots of extremely different feedbacks, those who understood the film would say it was good enough but for those who did not get the meaning, they simply couldn't. One of my friends has mentioned about the key point, the film is quite artistic thus the risk would be not every audience could understand it, I agreed with him, this was what made our film a succeed because we wanted to present it in a more artistic and abstract way.
Come to the very last part, I would say that I really fully enjoyed myself over the whole process, I have gained and learnt and improved myself in a way, in return I think my team too. As what Ms Loh has told me, she thinks I was not only helping them grow physically but most importantly was their mental. I am touched and glad when listened my team (I don't know why now they are more like my kids whom made me wanna protect and continue guide them and give few of them counselling, actually there were few of them cried in front of me and expressed their true feelings to me) saying they felt proud and appreciate to have this cross-over chance with this bunch of people. I would want to remind my team once again, as what I kept emphasizing on them: To control their emotions, and to mind their attitude (understand their responsibility) for their own good.

And yea one more thing, when I asked the team whether heard about me or my style before, they actually told me that they have heard from others, saying although technically speaking I am weak, but I have my strength in leadership, and I am very strong in scriptwriting. However, they heard that I have very bad-temper and even a perfectionist as well. All of these words help me in building my confidence and for my changes to be a better me as I never know that I would get such complements.
Last but not least, I seriously and sincerely would like to thank Ms Loh Me Ping again for this given chance and exposure, and she explained to me that it is time for me to find my confidence and make my passion continue burns. She thinks I am ready for challenge and everything but I don't have a "powerful" or impressive portfolio, thus it is time for me to start making it happens. I would want to apologize to Ms Loh too, because our carelessness had caused lots of shits, and I heard from my team that Ms Loh actually cried. There were too much for her, I know she has her own stress and burden too, I wished I could help. Thank you very much Ms Loh, your understanding, your caring and your helps always beneficial to everyone of us.
By the way, many people told me that I'm alike Ms Loh, my style, my pattern, when I am talking or "lecturing", and when I am eating chewing gum... Hmmm I just wish that I can be as successful as Ms Loh!

So here is the production that we have done within this one precious month. (To be fair I posted both links.)
Thanks for those who really like it, I know there are still spaces for me and my crew to improve ourselves.
Hope everyone enjoys watching it and do not hesitate to ask me even personally and comment regarding this production video.
WAKE, by The Sip Soong (XII) Production.

2 字当头的姐姐们

#姐姐们合体
距离 9/12/2014 已经过了接近两个小时，我的心情依然愉悦，虽然脑袋里又多了几分思绪，心里也添了几丝感触。

姐姐们年纪最小的那一位女孩，在约莫两个小时前，蜕变成了女生。
她是如此地难以置信。
除了她，20 这个岁数对姐姐们来说应该都不陌生了。
这个阶段的我们，两个都已经成了上班人士，两个还是在籍学生。
现实的距离远了。
可就像寿星女刚刚说的一句话：“我们的见面不需要任何节庆，也不需要任何场合，更不需要任何理由，随时随地。”

我们就是这样，偶尔地联系，想哈啦什么就在组群里随便哈啦，管它无厘头的三八话题还是正经八百的天文地理生活作息人际关系。
几乎没有什么有力的引力把我们拉在一起，可是我却能感受到我们的友情如此坚定。
我们都知道彼此的鸟个性，我们每一位的优缺点，所以我们互相尊重也互相包容，虽然有时会不耐烦，可是这并不影响我们的交情。
我们的相处方式就是：不把对方损得一文不值就不善罢甘休。
而我想我们的交集点是：我们愿意毫无保留地丑化自己娱乐对方，同时也很不要脸地不断推崇自己美化自己把自己吹得至高无上，然后让其他人无言翻白眼。

所实话，自从背叛事件之后，我就开始不相信真友情的存在。
是姐姐们，让我重拾对友情的美好观点及信心。
真正的友情，是在失落时陪伴彼此，就算只是沉默的陪伴，可是给予的力量、温暖，却好大好大。
我真心感恩有她们陪伴我度过低潮期，我也希望我是那个可以陪伴她们一直到我们一起老去的人。

我们经常自称姐姐，其实是因为大家都有姐姐风范，为他人着想、照料他人，当然也存有自娱娱人的效果。
“姐姐们”也就这样没有头绪地组合而成。
一位时而阳刚时而娘跑的白羊男，一位阳刚味十足的白羊女，一位外表大剌剌内在感性的天秤女，一位外表坚强内心充满挣扎的射手女。
我们各自秉持着自己的理想与信念，为了家庭、为了梦想、为了生活、为了自己，很努力地继续活着。
对于姐姐们，我们一直都很相信，纵使生活总是高低起伏阴晴不定，纵使我们曾经埋怨为什么我们总是不幸的一分子，可到最后，我们的随遇而安，我们的见机行事，我们的正能量，总算把我们撑到了现在。
什么事情都能熬过来的不是吗。
虽然偶然谈及我们一路挺过来的故事，总是有一种酸涩在蔓延开来，侵蚀心里造成一阵阵的刺痛感。
这就是为什么，我们经常聊着自己的故事，或者听着对方的故事，就会想要开始沉默。
我们都能体会彼此的内心感受。

人生很长远，我们并不会止步在这 2 字当头的岁月。
未来的每一步，我们无法保证些什么，可是我们将无遗憾，因为我们已经尽了最大的努力，追求彼此想要的幸福。
单身的，恋爱的，富裕的，困苦的，无论如何，我们都要彼此守护，我们都要幸福着，至少自给给予的幸福。
谢谢你们，爱我的，及我爱的，姐姐们。

就这样，简简单单地，一些餐点，一支啤酒，一块蛋糕，一点音乐，一辆车，一个晚上的时间，在乎的人，不需多余的语言，我们快快乐乐地享受并玩闹着，姐姐们 2 字当头的蜕变。
酒不醉人人自醉，就算没有喝酒，我还是沉醉在姐姐们合体的时刻当中。